Venting and coming clean

Hi all - I don't know where else to turn so here I am........

I am still in a food and emotion funk.  All I want to do is eat - and I surely know why - STRESS!

So here is the back story - Larry received a nice settlement from the city from a law suit with the other paramedics this year.  We used it to pay off some credit we had accrued.  The rest of it was going to be used to pay for half of our trip to Israel this summer.  You all know how I have been looking forward to taking my family there.  Well, it turns out that with that settlement, or taxes went through tht roof.  The amount, which was not all THAT much, put us into a higher tax bracket and because of some inital thingy - that I just couldn't wrap my brain around at the time of the explanation - we lost all of our deductions and ended up owing TWICE what I thought we were going to owe - and had accounted for by the way.  I thought I was ahead of the game - I had the money - was pretty proud of myself for allowing US to earn the interest this year in lieu of the US Government - and although I would always prefer to break even - I knew that I had it - I was so NOT prepared for the double hit we took.

So - thankfully, I THOUGHT we had the cash in a seperate account that was going to pay for the other half of the trip to Israel so I wrote a check on that.    When I realized how much the taxes were - I realized that Israel was OUT OF THE QUESTION.  So, we decided to do a different summer trip - much closer and much less expensive - because after all - the difference between what I thought was in the account and the taxes, was enough for a closer trip.  And I promised Molly a trip for her Bat Mitzvah - she earned it - and totally deserves it.  Yesterday - I get a call from the financial planner who has access to the money that I wrote the check on telling me that there was not enough in the account to cover the check I had written.  WHAT?!?!?!?  Where the hell did it go?!?!  I just got off the phone with him. Turns out that I had forgotten about the checks that I had written to camp for last summer.  OMG!!!!!!  Now what - bounced checks to the US Government?!?!?!  Could this get any worse?  (I already spoke to the finacial planner - we worked out that issue)

However, now here we are - cash poor and working a zillion hours a week.  I have three effing jobs, Larry works a gazillion hours of overtime - and we STILL cant get on a vacation?  Even a small one to not that far away.  I don't use credit - but I am thinking about starting to again - I know it is stupid.  And I am sure that I will NOT do it - because my intelluectual part will win out against the emotional part - but I WANT to do things for my kids that others are able to do - how do people do it?!?!  I don't get it - we don't live above our means.  We live in a cute little house in Philadelphia.  It's not like we are living in the lap of luxury.  I know I am not supposed to compare myself - but so many of my friends live in the suburbs with these four bedroom houses and great big back yards and some have pools and really?  They also go on vacations?!?!  I know - I know - stop doing that - but I cant.  I want what I want - and I work really hard......why can't I have it?!?!

So - in the middle of all this financial stress - I am of course - NOT exercising - because I "just don't feel like it" and  I am eating because, "food doesn't fight back and talk about money!"  And - I can just ignore all the problems when I am in a food depressed state and find all things good in "my happy place"

I don't know how to break this habit I have - my weight is relatively stable - but I know it is NOT healthy.  My energy level is depleting and I know that exercise will help that - but I just don't feel like it - I have this whiny voice going on in my head.  And I know I want to get to Liz's to see so many of you this weekend - but, between the price of gas, my birthday and my dad and little brother coming to town, it is just NOT going to happen.  Also, I so want to get to Barix next week - but it is Emily's Birthday and her party is that day - oops - need to find the money for THAT!  (I have it!)

I just feel so at a loss right now.  I have no energy to do things around the house.  I did do stuff over break - but there is so much more to do and I don't feel like doing ANY of it.  My classroom is completely unorganized as well. It is enveloping my entire world and the food part of it is what is keeping me calm.  It annoys the **** out of me that I turn to food and laziness when I get overwhelmed.  Why can others deal better than me?  

I currently got rid of ALL carby things in my classroom that I was used to self-medicate and here I am venting - hey - I guess I DO know what to do sometimes!  (I just giggled a little to myself!)  I just ate cheese sticks and a FEW (Read 8) mini-pretzel sticks. Not bad - and I don't have them in my room - I got them from the office.  The only thing I currently have in my classroom is a bag of cashews and a few sugar free chocolate covered caramels that I can have because I can only really eat one of them at a sitting.  They will be here for a while = (hope they don't melt)

Oh - and yesterday - I was talking to my students about the heat and how I handle it - "Being a large person in the heat"  They told me that I was no longer large - however, I had to remind them that in my head I was.....ugh!  Really - Aren't I the ray of sunshine?!?!  Where the hell did THAT part of me go?  I miss her - was she really only around when there was food?!?!  I don't know where to go to get her back.  I have no idea if this makes any sense - I can't go back and reread it as I have a classroom full of amazing kids who deserve an educator who knows what the hell they are doing and has her head of straight - and right now - they have a woman who is faking it pretty damned well!

Dont' worry about responding - I think I just needed to get it out of my head.  I know this will get better - and I will move forward - but for the moment - I am in this funk.

Thanks for reading!  Love you all! :)

Steffi,

You know I can relate TOTALLY to money issues!! We have been dealing with them for YEARS! This past year has been especially difficult. I already know that there will be NO vacation this summer and I WILL be working for at least part of the summer. It sucks, but you gotta do what you gotta do. As far as the kids and the vacation goes, I feel the best policy is honesty. Tell the kids that you would LOVE to take them on a vacation, but it is just not financially possible at this time. DO NOT DO CREDIT!!!! It only leads to trouble!!! I do not like to "sugar coat" things with Dee, I tell her like it is! She had a very nice birthday party and got some nice gifts and that is all we can do. Molly had a BEAUTIFUL Bat Mitzvah with some really YUMMY TREATS (if I do say so, myself and I DO!). Do not cause more stress for yourself by being dishonest with yourself or your kids. Yes, we would all like to go on vacation EVERY year but it just cannot happen!!

Don't compare yourself to others! If those others can afford to have nice houses AND go on vacation, we don't know how they are doing it? They could be racking up MAJOR credit card bills just to keep up with the "JONESES", if you know what I mean?

You and Larry do so much for your kids, so don't feel bad about it!! I know easier said than done!
Stress is also a trigger for me and my eating! I feel ya on that one too! If you want to come on Saturday you can carpool with me and Cherish and Dee. Let me know!!

Cheer up buttercup!
Love, Beth

First and foremost I love you! 

What is done is done when it comes to the money somewhere along the lines something got f**kded up. All you can do is move forward. Yet this is easier said then done trust me as someone who knows first hand at the moment.

I just had a conversation with Den a few weeks ago that I want a good life. I admitted and will not apologize for being a label ***** I work two jobs and I want nice things. Remember I don't even have kids and struggle with money.

My house is a cute little row home but I HATE almost every room because nothing is new and it needs work. I try to make improvements with small decor items yet under my throw rugs I still have 70's oranges flooring in my kitchen. Watch old episodes of the Jefferson's they have the same flooring in their door way. TRUE STORY! 

We can not help wanting what we want....If I can offer you one piece of advise i my ramble reply do not turn to credit. Just two years ago I had everything paid off and used cash for everything. Right now I am swimming every day alright in credit card bills! It is my own fault I gave all my cards to Den and still figured out a way to work right around that and not ask him for them when I shopped.

Explain things to Molly if a big local trip is not in the mix then maybe a special day trip here and there can work out with out strapping yourselves.

Steffi we are food addicts I have been eating emotions right along with you girlfriend. Hence the reason my ass is back in therapy again.

I am always here for you and love you to pieces.

Big hugs Steffi - I'm not even going to try and offer words of wisdom on this one - I can't be that much of a hypocrite when I'm struggling with so many issues myself! So you go ahead and vent and rant away...sometimes just doing that helps - and knowing you are not alone in some of these struggles...and that we are always here for you.

 

Kathy

Steffi,

First off BIG hugs to you.  

Secondly, CONGRATULATIONS.  You have paid off your credit and are living in a cash economy.  Do you have any freaking idea how great that is???!!!  I've been trying to get even CLOSE to that point for the last 30 years and will likely not see it before I die.  Every time I think we're making progress, there's another "wham" - like Katie not getting any financial aid for her last semester of college because it's a summer semester and having to come up with the $$ for that.  Or major car repair or replacement that we hadn't planned for... or the septic system replacement from a few years ago.  There's always something.

So stay away from the credit unless you're literally unable to feed your family.  Treat it like a huge hunk of pure sugar/fat - will taste good for a very short time and then will make you horribly sick.  It's not worth the pain long-term for a short-term ephemeral thing like a vacation.

Ok - so you're frustrated and stressed by the money issues.  I can't think of a single person who isn't right now.  The economy, although getting better, is nowhere near healthy. So it's a time  to defer big expenses, plan for smaller things close to home, and to treasure your family.  Explore nearby.  Go to the shore for day trips if you can't afford overnighters.  Go to a pocono resort off-season for great prices (or try Lake George's cabins for a very affordable nearby and WONDERFUL vacation place).  See if any friends have vacation homes that you can borrow or rent inexpensively.   Focus on your family time and doing things together (hiking? zip lining? kayaking? tubing on the delaware? doing pottery? ) that you'll all enjoy.  You might be shocked at how much fun you end up having.  And by planning it together and doing it together, it may bring you even closer together.

And, if you enlist the kids in saving up for the bigger adventure that you plan for 2 years down the road (or whenever), they will feel even more invested in it, eager for it, and will enjoy it even more.

Otherwise, all i can say is "just keep swimming."  Take the stresses a minute or an hour at a time.  Recognize (as you have) that eating will not fix the problem, make you feel better, or solve the money issue.  It will, instead, make all of those things worse.  When you're tempted to eat, distract yourself by looking at local attractions that you've never visited.  Even pretend that you're from Europe and scheduling a vacation to Philly - what would you do? Where woudl you go?   And in the midst of that - go out for a walk.  If you don't have the energy to go for a swim, at least take a walk - keep yourself moving even that much and it will start counteracting the depression.  Tell the whiny voice in your head to just shut the F up, and go DO something.

And call us - you have a huge group of friends who have BEEN there, DONE that, and know where you're coming from.  We aren't going to judge you - we're just going to support you.

So again, BIG HUGS.  

Love,
Karen

love you

 I really don't have any advice for you because I struggle with money and stress and food and money and stress and food and... all the time.  

Just know that I love you and am here for you.. 

Love you Steffi & big hugs.  We too have had our fair share and then some of money woes.  Most recently we mortgaged our home so I can get plastics.  Now we are in debt past our eyeballs and I feel guilty because if is because of me.  That guilt causes stress and whammo....I want to eat.  Like others said we are food addicts and it is very hard to keep it in check.  My prayers are with you to stay strong and not give in to the carb-monster.  More hugss...
Sara

Hello. Just a thought about Israel. Check with birthright Israel. They pay to send young ppl to Israel. Regrettably, I found out about then at the end of the age bracket, and was unable to go.

Make sure u check them out